This article is meant to help those of my collegues who are in danger of making the missing of those important events like holidays, anniversaries and birthdays something of a ritual. If you are in the proverbial dog house or in danger of finding yourself there, this is for you. It’s time to take on the fix…
If you are a wife, girlfriend or some other person of significance who has been at the receiving end of this issue, you would probably do well by yourself to consider refering this article to someone in need and/or just move on to the next article. This one is meant to be more of an opportunity for redemption and… it’s secrets are not for everyone. Thanks for your understanding. Bye…
So, Fellas… and a few ladies, if you’re in need of deliverance from what I have just described above, it’s okay. We’ve all been there at one time and another. That said, lets take a look at how one might begin to remedy the situation.
The Turnaround Begins Here…
Now, if your like me, then you are not a mind reader. As unreasonable as becoming one may seem, there are ways to get close enough to be effective on this subject. Like, for instance, periodically paying attention to your lady’s routines. Now, don’t worry, they all have them and this doesn’t have to be a full college level study. Just a remembered glance from time to time. This is where all the clues will be found. Where does she shop? Does she like taking baths rather than showers? Does she go to get her nails done or even go to a spa from time to time? What’s the makeup routine (this one may not for the faint of heart)? Does she manage the kids and if so, how does that routine go? Does she look happy while doing so? Then, there are the more obvious tidbits like what music does she like to listen to (what songs does she sing in the car or in the shower?) and what her hobbies might be. These small evaluations and distinctions create rich and unexpected areas for gift ideas and the seeds of romantic redemption.
With all that said, I find that in most cases, the unfortunate truth is that gifts alone are not always going to be enough. vI know it, you know it. We’re going to need a gesture from time-to-time that will give, at least, the impression of real thought until real thought becomes habit (sorry about that. I guess this is a sort of training though). Bare in mind, it doesn’t have to be anything epoch. As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what you don’t want. Going too far at first sets the bar too high for the efforts that would follow (You could be shooting yourself in the foot). So, lets take a look at some of the following options or combinations of some of the following options… oh, and feel free to be creative on these. Nothing is written in stone here…
A Gift with a Gesture
Going the Extra Mile on the Flowers…
Flowers are a great kickoff. Do you know what type of flowers she likes? If not try to work the question into conversation but be subtle. If this doesn’t produce, roses are always your best backup plan. You don’t want to give the surprise away. Now, for the more esoteric of us brave souls, there is the knowledge of the meanings of the different flowers sent. You might include the romantic meaning in the card you send with the flowers. In doing all this you will prove to her that you beleive that she’s worth the time, interest and effort. What could be more flattering? Oh yeah, very important: in the beginning, have them sent by a real florist. Don’t make the mistake of going to the supermarket for flowers. While there is good financial reasoning for doing so, in our case, it’s doesn’t hold the same romantic impact, or worse, could very well backfire. So no supermarket flowers.
Evening bath, fully planned out and produced by you:
It is always a good idea to start with the end picture in mind. Visualize what this scenario will look like… The steaming tub in a candle lit room with soothing music, towels all neatly laid out and one folded at the head of the tub for her to rest her head. Beautiful! Now to put it all together…
To start with, you will need to know her schedule just to know what day/night to plan for so as not to waste the opportunity. Once you have the timing is narrowed down, what is her favorite wine? Find out, once again through passive conversation, and purchase a bottle (or two). Next, look in the closet or under the bathroom sink and see if she uses or has bath salts of any kind. If you come up empty handed on this, I picked out a few favorites that might help you along – take a look – You’re bound to find something that will work. Otherwise I can recommend the very highly rated Dead Sea Mineral Bath Salt. This can be offered as a gift in in and of itself. It comes in a 3-pack allowing her to make her own bath choice for the evening. BTW: I generally don’t like direction up for grabs on these things. Be cautious. But know that with this aspect, it could be helpful. There is also the idea of a Jet Bath Spa. This is a particularly novel on-the-spot home improvement that your special someone will love and be grateful to have. Lastly, the candle(s), very important. If you have a few that’s great. I would suggest using more than one if possible. I have heard that odd numbers of candles are somehow more psychologically appealing. In any case, remember your vision of the scene, set the candles out accordingly. If you can’t find the candles around the house, you can get some sent quickly via Amazon at minimal expense. These are a nice choice but there are many others that may better fit your vision that you can find at the grocery store if you’re in a big hurry. Once you have everything, set it all out and have a lighter ready to go.
I would suggest using more than one if possible. I have heard that odd numbers of candles are somehow more psychologically appealing for some reason.
Now, if you have a paticularly romantic event coming up, you could also go with Dried Rose Petals. It’s a very nice touch. Once all the ingredients for your provided experience are set up, you will have to see about having the kids occupied (if you have them) during the intended space of time (mind you that this might be a while; a couple of hours even). Perhaps a sitter…
Springing the Surprise:
Our next step – and this is the big one, how to spring this upon her. I would recommend drawing the bath, then talking her into the idea (it should be in that order. If the bath is already drawn, she’s much more likely to say yes). You could say, “Honey, you work hard and there is so little time left for just you. I want you to know that I am fully aware that you work so very hard around the home (and/or at work) and that sometimes the sense of appreciation can get lost in the haste of the day. I have treat – just for you…”. That should do it. It is at this point that the two of you add the salts and such so as not to waste them (Sorry, I’m a romantic but a cheap romantic). Lastly, and this is very important, have all the necessary towels ready and some soothing background music playing when she steps into the bathroom and you have just become “Person of the Year”.
Weekend away, fully planned out by you…
This is a great one, potentially historic in monumental ways but it is also a marathon effort. This is best done as a theme trip. For example, perhaps you wife is a music fan: A trip to Nashville would be great. A friend of mine just did this himself with his wife and it worked out perfectly. He had all the reservations made at the hotel, car (Uber included), wine in the room upon their arrival, venues they planned to visit that had the kind of music that she loves, etc…
The Planning
As far as trip ideas go, there are countless directions you could take. The above is a simple example with which to start. Beyond this, there are spa hotels where she can be pampered by professionals while you, if your not so into being massaged, could be out playing golf. There are activity based trips of varying lengths of time like a weekend trip to learn to sail, drive a race car, play golf, even gamble (if that’s your thing). The whole idea is that you make it a shared adventure (whose comforts lean in her direction) that you have covered in every way you can think of while still remaining willing and able improvise when necessary. Handle yourself well, never let them see you sweat and you will be the hero of the day.
Be Prepared to Go the Distance
Now it is of the utmost importance that you not lose focus on the purpose of your trip. If you encounter difficulty with the hotel or any of the other setup points and the people responsible, don’t loose your cool. For example, a hotel difficulty (a lost reservations or the like) can work to your advantage by staying calm and showing your lady that you are always prepared and nimble by having a backup hotel ready with an alternate reservation that you can cancel right away (it’s like keeping a spare tire). The same can be done with restaurants and such. The whole idea is to quietly think through all the possibilities, both good and bad, and do your best to be a few steps ahead and you will be the hero of the day. Remember, fortune favors the bold.
The planning of such a thing takes some time, effort and even a little courage if you’re new to this kind of adventure. But, keep in mind that a full effort will always be worth it in the end no matter the outcome. Hasn’t that always been true? Be patient with yourself. Do this a few times over the next few years and you’ll be the expert whose able to write a book on the subject and doing weekend seminars for your friends (as ordered by their wives).
To wrap this up…
The ideas above are, indeed, nothing more than ideas offered to help you become and remain the romantic man you always wanted to be. And to be thought of as such, is true reward. As you begin to put these exercises into practice, you will begin to see the changes and effects of your efforts immediately. And, as a result, you will become better at this than you could have imagined. So, get creative. Remember, treating the romantic side of your relationships with care will yield huge benefits for your special partner, yourself and every one else around you. It may sound and even feel like a huge hastle to start. But once you do, you’ll find the value well worth the effort.
Seize the Day! Good luck to all you fellow romantics…